At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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