Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
