wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
