My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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