It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
