I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
