Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
