You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
