How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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