Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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