I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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