I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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