I didn't shave. On purpose
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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