You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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