it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
