Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
