I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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