Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
