Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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