Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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