loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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