I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Ketchup is God's man juice
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
