Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
