Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
