She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
