Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
