i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
