I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
