My friends, they love my intelligence
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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