Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
