Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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