youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
