My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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