i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
