I just threw up on my dentist
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
