That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
