I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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