I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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