You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My bed smells like the plague
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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