Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
