god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
