He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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