I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
