and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Randomize
