Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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