I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
