I wish I only lived at night.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
