She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
COCAINE IS GR8
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
