ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
