Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
