Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
